bitter♥sweet

Monday, October 27, 2008

Loose powder, hair polish, eyelash curler, mascara, lip&cheek stain, and lip gloss -- these beauty products are my favorite essentials. The wonders it did to my face has lifted up my self-esteem and self-confidence. These are only makeup tools, you might say. But these played quite a remarkable role in my life.

When a particular ex-boyfriend replaced me for someone very beautiful, I was devastated. I could only think about what she has that I don't have. I started comparing myself to her until it came to a point where I was almost imitating her.

Her face was always made up. She has blush on, lipstick, and curled eyelashes with mascara. While me, on the other hand, relies only on loose powder. I wasn't really a fan of wearing makeup. Don't get me wrong, though; I think makeup is one of the most significant inventions of science. But for me, I believe that simplicity is beauty. And I used to believe that my ex loved that kind of simplicity that I have.

In order to show my ex that I could be as beautiful as her, I started buying makeup to (hopefully) match her pretty face. Since then, I never leave the house without a touch of mascara, eyelash curler, lip&cheek stain, and lip gloss.

Well, I was over him for over a year now. But it was only then that a realization struck me:
Why am I still wearing makeup when there isn't a competition anymore?

I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me no matter how I look. He appreciates me with or without makeup, and with or without vanity. My friends and my family like me better without makeup, and still the same as when I put those products on my face. After that enlightenment, I limited my use of makeup.

It's really embarrassing to think how stupid I have been to resort to such a shallow routine just to prove an unworthy person that I am just the same as the replacement when deep down inside, I know that I am a much better person than her. I wear appropriate clothes, I don't have vices, I have respect to my own self, and my intelligence and wit is tons distant from her. I realized that I don't need to change for someone who can't appreciate what I have because there is a person out there who will wholeheartedly accept me and my flaws.

I still wear makeup, but only when it's really essential. For now, I am more than happy with my loose powder and lip gloss. It's just enough to enhance the unique beauty that God has given me. :)

PS: I forgot to invite everyone who loves making lists to create their own site containing whatever you might wish to take notes on:
http://www.listography.com/

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

RHETORIC = 1.25
PANITIKAN NG PILIPINAS = 1.50
SPEECH COMMUNICATION = 1.75
BASIC JOURNALISTIC WRITING = 2.00
PERSONAL FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT = 2.00
INTRODUCTION TO MASS COMMUNICATION = 1.75

GENERAL WEIGHTED AVERAGE = 1.71

Which means that I am one of the Dean's Listers on the first semester. Yey! Highly unexpected, really. Because as I have stated on my previous entries, I am majorly slacking off and I am not expecting to attain such grades.

But heaven really is good to me; not only because I got grades way higher than what I have expected but also because I had the chance to be a part of the Dean's List. For a slacker like me, it's not really a big deal because I am satisfied with whatever grade that I get as long as I don't fail any subjects. It's just that, it felt wonderful to comprehend that all my hardships have paid off. All the weariness, boredom, and lethargy that I have felt for this whole semester were immediately forgotten.

A while ago, I felt that I don't really deserve those grades. My other blockmates are tons better than me but they got lower grades for an inexplicable reason. But then, I am more than grateful for this chance. I wouldn't waste it. :)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Way back in the good ol' 90's, the music industry was boasting of amazing talents with remarkable and sensible songs. Not that I don't like the songs that we have nowadays but, aren't the 90's songs so much better than today's music?

My MP3 is loaded with a bunch of 90's hits from: S Club 7, N*Sync, Backstreet Boys, Westlife, Steps, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, A1, Aaron Carter, 98 Degrees, etc., etc. Call me gay but I can't get over their songs. Compared to what we have today, the songs in this generation has deeper lyrics but what we had before were...I dunno...Happier, and much more meaningful.

It's just sad to know that all those bands/singers that I have stated above, majority of them were already disbanded and/or disappeared all of a sudden at the height of their success. Take for instance the S Club 7; their songs were certified chart-toppers but after doing a movie, they just dissolved. The next thing I knew, they disbanded.

The 90's hits were mostly all about good fun. Yes, there were songs for the brokenhearted and songs for those who are in love but the singers back then didn't sing it in a gruff, bitter, or suicidal manner. It was more of a "look at the brighter side" kind of beat and lyrics. Cursing was not even prevalent. But now, it looks as if cursing is normal in a song. Plus, some songs trigger violence, suicide...Let's just say that those songs make things worse for those people who turn to music for comfort.

Listening to these songs makes me happy. It gives me memories of me as an MTV-loving kid. When I listen to our current hits, I see a huge difference. It seems that lots of musicians today are bitter, angry, and just plain absurd. Most of the songs that are topping the charts are nonsensical. Seriously, what do the songs "Low", "To the ayer", and "Souljaboy" mean? Where is the essence of these songs? How could people love them so much?

Although there still exists some songs that makes perfect sense, I would still stand by with the fact that the songs in the 90's are tons better than our music nowadays.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Hell week is finally over. Thank God. I passed every requirement that I need to pass so I don't have anything to do but wait for the distribution of our class cards. To be honest, I am not that confident about my grades since I slacked off a lot this semester. I wasn't really in the right mood and I wasn't feeling right vibes for the past months. But hopefully, I'd pass all subjects and remain at the College of Mass Communication on a regular and good standing status. Gah. Please pray for me.

By the way, my high school chum, Bernadeth, celebrated her 18th birthday last Saturday. Super gora ako kasi I haven't seen most of my high school friends for quite a long time. It was fun. I often say that high school wasn't really a great thing for me but, I missed them. It was then that I realized how much they mattered to me. And I'm looking forward to spending more time with them some time.

Semestral break is almost here! Live it. Love it. Enjoy it. Have a good one, guys! :)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

You guys obviously know how much I love my boyfriend, Roummel. My blog posts were mostly inspired and about him. This guy is one of my treasures; priceless, wonderful, and amazing.

My friends, and even my Dad, constantly remind me how lucky I am to have someone like him. He is very dear to me that I always make it a point to spend every free time that I have with him just to prove how important he is to me.

But nowadays, I seem to be spending less time with him.

School has kept me preoccupied and the hours that we spend together seemed shorter because I was often cranky and tired. Feeling ko nagkukulang na ako. And I don't want to give him the wrong idea that he's becoming a nuisance for me because that is far from the truth.

He is, in fact, the reason why I am striving hard to get good grades. Ayokong may magsalita against him kaya I want to prove everyone that we are responsible enough to handle a relationship. He inspires me, he gives me strength, he makes me happy, and he makes me feel wonderful.

I just hope that he understands me now more than ever. :(

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Finally free from examinations! All that's left to do are to finalize some school works and prepare for the distribution of class cards. It's a big relief to free my mind from too much worry and stress. Now, I wouldn't have to think so much about school. Aww. My zit number would decrease! Haha.

Anyway, I've been listening to a lot of sad songs lately. Not that I can relate or anything, it's totally irrelevant to the current status of my relationship (we're very happy) but I somehow find and feel emptiness whenever I hear these songs.

Maybe because I've been through a lot and listening to the sad lyrics of those songs brings back sad and bitter memories which I've worked so hard on just to be able to help myself from moving on. Those times were tough; because back then, I hoped for nothing but to love and be loved in return. I can't say that nobody loved me during those times, but it was just not the kind of love that I was hoping to receive. Don't get me wrong, when I love, expect it to be unconditional. But I've always dreamed of this kind of scenario wherein bliss would be the dominant feeling in the relationship, not just love itself.

I can't help but feel sad whenever I reminisce those times when everyone I loved seemed to take me for granted. They were great at the beginning, but as time passed by, they slowly faded away. I was always left hurt and miserable because I know in my heart that I gave the best that I can to maintain the relationships that I had but sadly, to no avail.

I'm not blaming anyone here. Things happen for a reason. It was not easy to decipher the reason of my heartaches but when I finally did, it was the most priceless moment of all. God was leading me to the right path all along. He helped me mold myself to become a better person and helped me learn the things that I have to know before directing me to the person that He created to make my dream come true.

Although there are still times when I still find it hard to understand why some have treated me as if I'm nothing, I feel neither hatred nor bitterness in my heart. All was forgiven. I found my happiness and the emptiness I once used to feel is now flowing with the love and the bliss that I've waited for so long to come. All these wouldn't be possible without the hurt that I hated so much. I am happy and contented. My last teardrop has fallen, and it's never going to fall again for another person.

Monday, October 6, 2008

This day may not prove to be a good one, but still, I'd like to thank God for small blessings -- in disguise.

We weren't supposed to have classes today, but our professors in Intro to MassComm and SpeechComm asked for a makeup class na hindi naman natuloy. It's fine, really, kasi my group would have been today's reporters. :))

Our SpeechComm was scheduled at 5pm so we decided to kill time at Mini Stop. I was at the line, waiting for my turn when a blockmate suddenly texted na ngayon na pala yung finals sa Personal Financial Management at nagiinit na ang ulo ng proctor namin. It was ridiculous; our PFM finals was scheduled for Wednesday! Pero, wala na din kaming nagawa but to go to the assigned room kesa naman hindi kami makapag-finals.

We proceeded with the finals despite the confusion, shock, and unpreparedness. Walang makapagkopyahan dahil pare-parehas kaming walang alam. Panay hula lang ang answers ko. Good luck naman sa magiging result ng finals ko sa PFM.

But this day, although nakakainis, was a blessing. If it weren't for our professors na nagpa-schedule ng makeup class, we wouldn't have been at school to take our very, very surprising final exam. It was indeed a blessing in disguise. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the strength to wake up even if I was still so sleepy and for giving me the motivation to attend our cancelled makeup classes even if I had plans on not attending those. :)

After 6 months, I finally had the chance to visit some of my relatives in Makati. I missed going there; the long chats with my aunts, the bonding time with my cousin, and our girl talks.

It's nice knowing that all is totally well with me and my cousin. Whatever happened, it's for us to keep. None of it mattered now, I'm just glad that after that incident, we were able to keep the friendship we had since we were kids.

By the way, let me share the lyrics of Beautiful as you by All 4 One. It is, by far, the sweetest song I've ever heard in my entire life. It tells of a love so deep and so true that the most beautiful thing he's ever seen exceeded the limits of this world's wonders. It would be very romantic if someone would happily sing it for me. :)

*******************

AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU
All 4 One

From the moment I saw you
From the moment I looked into your eyes
There was something about you I knew, I knew
That you were once in a lifetime
A treasure near impossible to find
And I know how lucky I am to have you

Cause I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away
The beauty of the setting sun, on any given day
And when it comes to shooting stars I have seen a few
But I've never seen anything as beautiful as you

I can't believe that I have you
I can't believe that you're here in my arms
I've been waiting a life time for you, for you
And I've dreamed about you
Pictured in my mind who I would see
But I never imagined just how beautiful you'd be

Cause I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away
(take your breath away)
The beauty of the setting sun, on any given day (any given day)
And when it comes to shooting stars I have seen a few
But I've never seen anything as beautiful as you

I've seen rainbows that could take your breath away
(take your breath away)
The beauty of the setting sun, on any given day
And when it comes to shooting stars I have seen a few
But I've never seen anything as beautiful
But I've never seen anything as beautiful as you

From the moment I saw you
From the moment I looked into your eyes

******************

Beautiful, isn't it? Perfect for everyone who is in love, and for everyone who have already found the most beautiful thing in their lives.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The following pictures and text that I'm about to show below is a forwarded e-mail from my Dad, which was voted as BEST E-MAIL OF THE YEAR. :)

********************

IF YOU THINK YOU ARE UNHAPPY, LOOK AT THEM...

IF YOU THINK YOUR SALARY IS LOW, HOW ABOUT HER?

IF YOU THINK YOU DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS...

IF YOU THINK STUDY IS A BURDEN, HOW ABOUT HER?

WHEN YOU THINK OF GIVING UP, THINK OF THIS MAN...

IF YOU THINK YOU SUFFER IN LIFE, DO YOU SUFFER AD MUCH AS HE DOES?

IF YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR TRANSPORT SYSTEM, HOW ABOUT THEM?

IF YOUR SOCIETY IS UNFAIR TO YOU, HOW ABOUT HER?

********************

Be thankful for every blessing that God is showering us. Remember that there are several people who are facing worse problems than us.

Friday, October 3, 2008

It's shit knowing that I couldn't express my feelings into words through blogging. I mean, this is a blog. People are supposed to rant and rave whatever they want to. This is the beauty of writing; limitless. It knows no boundaries. Write whatever you want to.

So why couldn't I?

The last few days were a daze. I am numb from stress and exhaustion and I have this inexplicable feeling deep within me that I can't quite put a finger on.

It's weird. I wanna burst everything out and yet something seems to be stopping me. I'm dying to pour this....something but I don't know what it is. Frustrating. And there's this something that I want to do/see but....I don't know! Wah!

This is pure crap, I know. I'm sure that no one would be able to comprehend. And that makes it even sadder. All my thoughts are jumbled inside my mind and there is very little chance that it would organize themselves. It has to start with me. But I myself can't even understand what the shit am I thinking.

Pure shit. Nobody even deserved to be fed with all these crap. Good luck na lang sakin.